Nain’s Advice - Gwenda Thain

The Welsh word for grandmother is Nain. My Nain, Gwenda was the 3rd of 13 children. Born in 1922, the Second World War kept her stuck at home longer than she wanted to. She helped to look after she younger siblings and 12 other children who'd been sent away from London, to be kept safe. As soon as she could, she got away from small town Wales and her family obligations. It was her time and she did what she wanted to do, spending her 20s and 30s as a fashionable Londoner and then moving to Canada with her husband and her young daughter. Later in her life she reinvented her life a third time, when my grandfather died. She married a fisherman and joined him, hauling in Chinook salmon in the frigid Pacific waters near Alaska. 

When I was a kid she and I weren't close. Annually I'd call and thank her for the money in my birthday card, but neither of us knew how to keep the conversation going after that and soon she'd ask me if my mom was there.

But all of that changed when I needed her. She and my mom happened to come and visit me and Bettina in London. I was having a hard time with my job, trying to prove myself, feeling like I needed to figure out what direction I was going in life, wanting to be as responsible as possible. She gave me a lot of guidance and support that week. And we finally knew how to talk to each other. 

Here's what she said:  

• Be honest with yourself and follow your convictions.
• You’ve got to keep your own council. No one knows what I’m up to at any time. 
• When I have a confrontation I smile a lot.
• Over time a relationship becomes easier. You grow kinder toward one another and make more allowances.
• Collect garbage if that makes you happy; it doesn’t matter what people think.
• Whenever there is a problem and people are inquiring you just smile and say, “I’m fine.” They don’t need to know.
• Listen carefully to anyone who gives you advice.
• You’ve got to face things straight on, or they’ll still be there like a cancer
• If they ask you if you can do it, say you can. In 1963, they asked us, “Can anyone use a comptometer?” I told them I knew how. They’ll always show you once anyway. Just watch closely.
• Education is the most important thing in life for anybody. With education you can conquer the world.
• Be strong for yourself. You haven’t walked 31 years of your life for nothing.
• You’ve got to love yourself. That is important.
• Don’t go second rate on anything.
• The last night I read this out loud to her, to make sure I had written everything down accurately. My mom listened in and then added at the end, “And don’t tell lies.” “Oh no,” her mom corrected her, “You’ve got to lie if it suits the world.”